#1 A bystander was touring Hell one day, watching as Satan pushed poor souls into the fires of Hell. He noticed that every once in awhile Satan would throw a body to the side until he had a small pile of bodies set aside. The bystander went up to Satan and asked: "Mr. Prince of Darkness, why are you throwing those bodies aside?" Satan replied: "Those are New Englanders -- they're too wet to burn yet."

#2 A fellow was taking a guided tour of Hell with Satan when they walked past three door. Through the first door he saw poor souls being boiled in oil - the screaming was terrible. He turned to Satan: "Oh, what did t hose poor unfortunate souls do to be treated like this?" Satan replied: "Those are the Catholics who ate meat on Fridays."

They proceeded to the next door where people were being burned in a fiery furnace - the screams were horrible. He turned to Satan: "Oh, t hose poor souls! Why are they being treated like this?" Satan replied: "Those are the Jews who ate pork."

At the third door the man saw people being boiled in oil and being burned over a fiery furnace. The screams were worst of all. He turned to Satan: "What did those poor souls do to deserve such a fate???" Satan replied: "Those are the Episcopalians who used their salad forks to eat the main course."

Mysterious Joke: A cat died and went to heaven where he was asked what he wanted most. Cat said: "Well, all my life I've slept on a hard wooden floor -- I'd really like a nice, soft pillow." The Lord answered his request with a nice, fluffy pillow. Shortly afterwards six mice died and stood before the Lord. When asked what they wanted most, they said "We've run so much all our lives, it would really help us get around if we had rollerskates. Shortly afterwards six pairs of tiny rollerskates were given to the mice. Later the Lord went to check up on the cat. "Everything all right?" Cat purred with contentment. "Everything's wonderful, and thanks for those little meals on wheels you keep sending."